If I Were a Dick to Animals Uno, dos, tres, quatro Andelay! If I were a dick A dick to animals I would punch your pet in the face And get some nasty calls Your fish would have no water Your cat would have no feet The blood would then flow up and down the street - yeah! If I were a dick A dick to animals I would kick your dog right between the balls If I were a dick A dick to animals I would throw your dog up against a wall What other mean stuff can there be? Wait just a minute, let me see Stab a giraffe between the eyes Choke a goat to watch it die Rip a turtle right out of it's shell Make it's life a living hell The only thing I want is to stop Oh no, turned a gorilla head into a mop If I were a dick A dick to animals I would kick your dog right between the balls If I were a dick A dick to animals I would throw your dog up against a wall Pick it up Uno, dos, tres, quatro Andelay! What's going to happen after I do this mean stuff? All the animals are going to rise up Take my scrawny ass down a peg Use their sharp teeth to rip off my leg A snake would bite, poison me A kangaroo would kick, wouldn't let me flee A bear would knock me out with one punch Then they would make me their lunch If I were a dick A dick to animals I would have to go To the hospital If I were a dick A dick to animals I'd be headed to the morgue That's my curtain call Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up! Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up! © 2005 Can't Do It